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May. 20th, 2013

A list of 100 things which make me who I am.

1. I'm 22.
2. I was born in Winnipeg.
3. I've lived in Calgary most of my life.
4. My parents got divorced when I was a little child.
5. This caused me a lot of pain as a teenager.
6. I tried to kill myself a lot.
7. I am a survivor of depression.
8. I am queer - I am attracted to personality, not gender or sex.
9. I am chubby and okay with that (most of the time).
10. I LOVE to cook.
11. I consider myself an intersectional feminist.
12. I am interested in religion and am religion-positive.
13. I am body positive.
14. I am shy and socially anxious.
15. I've been best friends with the same people for eleven years.
16. I am pro choice.
17. I believe in evolution.
18. I don't know if there is a God or not.
19. The size of the universe scares me.
20. I love the smell of fire pits.
21. I love traveling.
22. I've been with my partner for three and a half years.
23. We live together and rent from his Nonno.
24. I love working in a coffee shop.
25. It would be a dream come true to have my own coffee/bake shop.
26. I'm a metal head - it is the only music that makes me feel strong.
27. I love concerts.
28. I love cats so much.
29. I have three cats.
30. I love my parents more than anything - especially my mom.
31. I want to learn how to garden and grow my own food.
32. I love video games, especially Zelda, Animal Crossing, Pokemon, etc.
33. My favorite TV show is Desperate Housewives.
34. I have to eat breakfast every morning or else I get angry.
35. I hate being hungry.
36. I hate working out.
37. I love having lazy movie watching days with my partner or friend.
38. I love going to the movie theatre with my dad.
39. Working at Home Depot after high school really changed my life.
40. I hated high school.
41. Being 19 was the best time of my life.
42. Sometimes I like smoking for no reason.
43. I love eating.
44. I love avocados.
45. I love peanut butter.
46. I'v been a vegetarian for 8 years.
47. I am a HEALTHY person.
48. I hate mainstream media.
49. I REALLY enjoy beers by the fire pit in the summer.
50. My birthday is in the summer.
51. I am exactly one month older than my best friend.
52. I hate money.
53. I never have any but that's okay.
54. I like chain watching shows.
55. My favorite author is Stephen King.
56. I always try to form an opinion with all the facts.
57. This is probably why I'm a huge skeptic.
58. I am so sassy and I love it.
59. Sorry not sorry you don't get my humor.
60. I love my sister and twin brothers.
61. I never call my sister my half-sister even though she technically is.
62. I also never call my step-dad my step dad anymore even though he is - to random people he is just my dad.
63. Camping is so much fun
64. I wish I lived on a farm.
65. I want to get married an have kids in a big house that we built.
66. I want to have a pool in my backyard one day.
67. I swam competitively for four years.
68. I am proud of my swimming skills and accomplishments.
69. I have had every color hair.
70. I used to have really short hair.
71. I've been growing my hair since I was out of highschool five years ago.
72. I have 1" stretched ears.
73. I have both my nostrils pierced and stretched to 16g.
74. I want to stretch them to 14g.
75. I just got my lip pierced at 14g.
76. My naval is pierced as well.
77. My next mod will be to get the one ring speech in elvish on my arm.
78. I love being a nerd.
79. I love that my partner is a nerd also.
80. I want to learn how to braid my hair.
81. I love reading.
82. I want a library in my house that I previously mentioned.
83. I hate the sound of people eating holy shit close your mouth.
84. I judge people when they eat sloppy.
85. I honestly can't stand most people.
86. I drink a lot of water and I am proud of that.
87. I recently started back on Jenny Craig and I'm excited!
88. I have to work at 7:30 tomorrow but I'm doing this instead.
89. I graduate next year.
90. I have to write my honours thesis this year and I am scared.
91. I've been writing on diaryland since I was 12.
92. I hate musicals.
93. I can usually tell when I meet someone if they're a good person or not.
94. I have spot on instincts.
95. I am really good at directions.
96. I love driving.
97. I love sleeping beside someone.
98. I hate sleeping without socks.
99. I can make latte art.
100. I'm glad I'm done this.

Naomi Wolf from The Beauty Myth

"The more legal and material hindrances women have broken through, the more strictly and heavily and cruelly images of female beauty have come to weigh upon us... [D]uring the past decade, women breached the power structure; meanwhile, eating disorders rose exponentially and cosmetic surgery became the fastest-growing specialty... [P]ornography became the main media category, ahead of legitimate films and records combined, and thirty-three thousand American women told researchers that they would rather lose ten to fifteen pounds than achieve any other goal...More women have more money and power and scope and legal recognition than we have ever had before; but in terms of how we feel about ourselves physically, we may actually be worse off than our unliberated grandmothers."

TW: racism.

Every morning i have the pleasure of reading racist comments from unknowledgable Calgarians who think they know more about what First Nations want than the actual people. So many racist comments that fucking cut deep man. As a Métis woman I feel I need to step up to the plate here and send in the real problem of racism from ignorant Canadians. The media wants to spin this so that they're NOT actually discussing the horrendous bill the government passed, but instead focus on Spence's finances. Good god. That's NOT THE POINT. THE POINT IS BILL C 45.

Why

No, we have not moved yet because the fucking guy who lived in the flat before us made it a PIECE OF SHIT. Apparently he burned the floor. How the fuck can you burn an ENTIRE section of floor. For god's sake. He also had a bunch of shit to clean out, like literal garbage everywhere. Taylor's dad is sorta friends with him so he helped him move stuff (Grant has a trailor that can hold a lot of shit) and he couldn't believe the piles of crap he accumulated over the years. Anyway it's annoying as balls because we were supposed to start moving in on Monday but now the floor has to be replaced and we need to paint. I always knew we had to paint it because that's just necessary shit but the floor is another issue. I am mad cause it's pushing our move back and I have been ready to go for a long fucking time. And we still have to pay the utilities, which I understand, but it would feel more REAL if we were actually there, you know, USING THEM. On the plus side, this is allowing me time to work on my paper and study for my one exam that is next week. Although we could be moving at any fucking second so it's also a source of stress in my life. I just want school to be over so I can work, make money, buy cool home furnishings and be nice and merry with Taylor. 

Poop.
Once upon a time, I, Chuang Tzu, dreamt I was a butterfly, flitting around and enjoying myself. I had no idea I was Chuang Tzu. Then suddenly I woke up and was Chuang Tzu again. But I could not tell, had I been Chuang Tzu dreaming I was a butterfly, or a butterfly dreaming I was now Chuang Tzu?"

- The Book of Chuang Tzu (end of Chapter 2).

TW:violence, death

A woman was murdered on Country Hills Blvd, a big road in my neighborhood. I can't count how many times I've been there. Its my place, everything is there. I am so appauled at this. I was literally there last night a few hours before she died. I hope its not anyone I know. Rip.

Also, the new home owner in Taylor's old house is being a serious twat and keeps complaining about things in the house, EVEN THOUGH both sides have signed and nothing else can be done. Its hilariously annoying and bad. Ugh. What a fucking week. I'm off in 2 hours then I go pick up mom :)

Pain

Literally, the only reason I would go on birth control is to rid myself of this ovulation pain. I can't move right now. I woke up crying this morning and I thought I had appendicitis but now I know what it is. I track my cycle so I know what is going on and what pain I'm feeling, so I'm sure it's this. Thank god I don't have school or work today. I honestly can't move. Holy fuck.

WINTERSUN

A windstorm dropped a bird from the sky. It fell to the ground and it's wings broke and died. But when the time got by, back to sky it flied 'cause the wings healed in time and the bird was I.

Time is the death and the healing. Take your last breath, 'cause death is deceiving. Time is the past, now and tomorrow. Days fly so fast and it leaves me so hollow.

A snowstorm blew inside a wolf's eyes, and the frozen tears covered all the mountainsides. But then the time got by and the wolf died. And someday that wolf would be I.

Time is the death and the healing. Take your last breath, 'cause death is deceiving. Time is the past, now and tomorrow. Days fly so fast and it leaves me so hollow. (x2)

A long time ago I went to the shore
I whispered my wish to a breeze from the North
The wind took the wish high to the stars
Told them what I've missed with all my heart

I was mesmerized by the rolling tide
I lay on that shore and fazed into the skies
Like a shooting star, my dream was gone
I made up my mind
I don't want to wake up

When will time heal and fulfil the
dream of my heart?
When will we unite as one and light
our own star?

All these memories I will treasure in my heart
Words are so vain
A bond beyond quintessence

For a thousand lifetimes
I will wait to feel
A passing moment of bliss
To be embraced by silence